ANDY ROONEY ON SEX.

1. When I was born, I was given a choice, a big dick or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose. 2.  Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3.  A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4.  Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard  feelings..." 5.  There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 6.  Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7.  There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly. 8.  Virginity can be cured. 9.  Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity. 10.  Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. 11.  I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. 12.  Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 13.  Question: What's an Australian kiss?     Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under. 14..  A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing. 15.  Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?     Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't. 16.  Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?     Answer: Breasts don't have eyes. 17.  Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives! Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor!