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Coincidence
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! "
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"
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Sweet Tea.
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do.
Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that.
When your husband comes home drunk,
just take a glass of sweet tea and start
swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and
swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes
back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea!
Every time my husband came home drunk, I
swished with sweet tea. I swished
and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your f*****g mouth shut helps?"
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Mexican pay rise
Maria, the Mexican maid, asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.' The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so...'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..'
Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Senora...... the gardener did.'
Wife: '...So how much do you want?'
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Last Rites.
Ten year old Mickey Hanratty was sitting hunched up in a small side street in the heart of Dublin, openly crying. Paddy O'Halloran approached the boy and asked him what was making him cry. Mickey told him that a brewery truck had just run over his pet dog and killed it.
"Be-Jeezez," said Paddy. Do you want me to fetch Father O'Brien?"
"No thanks," sobbed Mickey. "Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment "
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