Good Jewish Jokes

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks,

"Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me,

who will be the lucky one?"

The wise  old Rabbi answers, "Yankele will marry you.

Yosele will be the lucky  one."

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Jewish  Marriage advice: "Don't marry a beautiful person.

They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave

you too. But who cares?"

 

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The Italian  says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."
The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have

cognac."
The Russian  says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."
The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."
The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."
The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."

 

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Jewish proverb:

"A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget

what she forgave."

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A Jewish  congregation in suburban Toronto honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week,

all expenses paid. 
When he walks into  his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed. 

She greets the Rabbi with, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something

extra that the  President of the shul arranged for you." 

The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the

President of the shul and shouts, "Greenblatt, what were you

thinking?  Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have

not heard the end of  this"
Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get

dressed.  The Rabbi turns to her and asks, "Where are you

going? I'm not angry with you."

 

※ have not heard the last/end of this:

     이것으로 끝났다고 생각하면 오산이다/그냥 덮고 넘어가지 않겠다