Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and family values.
Bill
said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married,
did you?'
Larry
replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden
name?'
___________________________________________
A little boy went
up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did my intelligence come
from?'
The father replied.
'Well, son, you must have got it from your
mother, cause I still
have
mine.'
___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have
reviewed this case very carefully,
'the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've
decided to give
your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,'
the husband said.
'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor
examining a woman who had been rushed to the
Emergency Room, took the husband
aside, and said,
'I don't like the looks of your wife at all..'
'Me
neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook
and really good with the
kids.'
___________________________________________
An old man goes to
the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a curse he has been living with for the
last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me
the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says
without hesitation,
'I now pronounce you man and
wife.'
___________________________________________
Two Reasons Why
It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There
are no dental records.
___________________________________________
A
blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me
how long it'll take to
fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a
minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs
up.
___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives
were investigating the murder of
Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked
one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf
gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got
me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her
I didn't believe in
Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering
from surgery when the Surgical Nurse
appears and asks him how he is
feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor
used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the
nurse.
'Oops!'
___________________________________________
While
shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and
I passed a display of bathing
suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even
considered buying a bathing suit,
so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or
an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he
replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive
care.
___________________________________________
The graveside
service just barely finished, when there was
massive clap of thunder, followed
by a tremendous bolt of
lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling
in
the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
'Well, she's
there.'