|
Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to
my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.
I thought she was joking ........
And then I saw her face......
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Beehive matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk... unfortunately, I had forgotten to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, the ungrateful bastards.
All I said was, 'Hurry up for Christ's sake ........... Some of us have got homes to go to!'
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What do you feel like for dinner my love ...... chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Chicken, please.' She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'
|