Blonde

 

A friend told the blonde "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. one asked, "What if one grenade explodes before we get there?" The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said, "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde replied, "Well, the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
------------------------------------
A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde spies a letter lying on her doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging from your mirror!"
------------------------------------
A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks. "Here boy!" she replies.
------------------------------------
A blonde is in jail. Guard looks in her cell and sees her hanging by her feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blonde replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," she replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".