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Subject: *Far too much truth in many of these Paraprosdokians

 

 

Paraprosdokians

*Far too much truth in many of these.* 

A *paraprosdokian* is a figure of speech in which the latter part of

a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes

the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently

used for humorous or dramatic effect.

�I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.

So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

�Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.

�I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

�Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing

in a garage makes you a car.

�The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

�Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear

bright until you hear them speak.

�If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

�Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,

but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

�We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

�War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

�Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it

in a fruit salad.

�The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets

the cheese.

�Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then

proceed to tell you why it isn't.

�To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many

is research.

�A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. My desk is a work station.

�How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?


�Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

�I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

�A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you
don't need it.

�Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

�I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

�I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... So I said
"Implants?"

�Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

�Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

�Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president

and 50 for Miss America?

�Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.

�A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

�You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute

to skydive twice.

�The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

�Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

�A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.

�Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you
wish they were.

�Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

�I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by
a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

�Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

�There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down

so they can't get away.

�I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

�I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon...
and a shot of tequila.

�When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.

�You're never too old to learn something stupid.

�To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
hit the target.

�Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

�A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.

�If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people
have more than one child?

�Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.