Observations....

 

 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,  'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' -   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) <><>    I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt   <><>   Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..   - Mark Twain  <><>   The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;  and to have the two as close together as possible   - George Burns <><>     Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.   - Victor Borge   <><>    Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.  - Mark Twain   <><>    By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.   - Socrates <><>    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.   - Groucho Marx <><>    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante <><>   I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor <><>   My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield <><>        Money can't buy you happiness ...... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan  <><>    Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . - Joe Namath <><>    UNTIL I WAS 10, I thought my name was Jesus Christ Bill Crosby I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.   - Bob Hope   <><>      I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..  - W. C. Fields  <><>      We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.  - Will Rogers  <><>   Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you.   - Winston Churchill   <><>    Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller <><>    By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal <><>       And the cardiologist' s diet: -  If it tastes good spit it out.